All of us have friends who, for one reason or another, we worry about. I have a few of these people in my life at the moment, but none of them is more worrisome to me than Giovani.
The man is unhealthily obsessed with toasted bread. Not just any toasted bread, mind you. But perfectly toasted and served bread. Done in a manner that is, above all, proper. He actually thinks about this stuff, you know. A lot.
To prove that I'm not overstating, get a load of this picture. It was taken just this morning by my friend, at a luxurious vacation retreat, on an island where he and his husband Scott are supposed to be enjoying some much-needed together time. Giovani texted the toast photo to me, with the following message: "I'm a very happy man."
I don't know about you, but were I the "happy" guy texting a vacation picture to a pal thousands of miles away, you can be sure that it would not be the least bit similar to this photo.
Still not convinced that I have reason to be concerned about my friend's obsessive behavior? Then try this one on for size. A while back Scott and Giovani were over the house for a dinner party. An hors d'oeuvre we were serving required a bit of toasted bread, and so Giovani was naturally put in charge of its manufacture. As mine is not the type of house that is equipped with a specialized toast server (see vacation photo of said device above), Giovani was forced to improvise.
I call it Breadhenge.
The idea here is to keep the toast slices vertical and separated. Stacking slices of warm toast, even for an instant, promotes unwanted humidity, which, according to my poor, tormented friend, "ruins everything!"
And you think you have problems.